date: Thursday, November 16, 2006 @ 11:34 pm
title: Catch 22
I think exams made me rather numb to my emotions and insecurity. I have been blog surfing, which is rather usual, for the past two hours. Reading one entry after another cursing and swearing at A levels.
It struck me - so how did I find it?
Strangely. I have little comment about it and its frightening. This is what Catch-22 is all about.
I have drawn two conclusion to my observation, on par with my surrounding reaction vs my reaction: either I have been suffering depression to the extent that my mind has burnt out from all the depression and has lost its judgement over emotional events OR I'm abnormal. awkwardly abnormal.
I rather go with the latter. Whatever. I think I'm still sane for the time being before the onslaught of literature. Hardcore version. You see.. I lack the flair and my language is my pitfall. I can't really express myself well, espeically under stress and on black and white. Its a recipe for misunderstanding and confusion. I can say A but write B. Seldom. unless I am confident and confortable with my language, coupled with my calm state of mind, I can produce or imitate a piece of reasonable work. To survive in any element of circumstance, there is a need for two products - flair and hard work. Due to the inability to achieve the demanded language talents, hard work is my only alternative to compensate my weakness:
".. it is his childish habits and bachelor shyness, not his morale weakness .."
some random phrase from the prose I practiced before tomorrow's paper. Utterly madness. I was trying to analysis how true is that phrase pertaining to me. Utterly madness.
This is what I call workaholicism. Living your working habits in your life - confusing work with lifestyle. 9 to 5 is normal living but anything outside that is abnormal. This life is all about achievements after achievements, where relaxation is a sin. Oh man.
"One life. Live it. Brought to you by M1."
Now my brain is telling me to rest and cease my abnormal living. So tell me whether I'm Catch-22?
